The Nine Love Lives of Taylor Swift

The hearts of teenage girls broke around the world last week (and many boys’ fists began to PUMP) when news broke that yet another one of Taylor Swift’s relationships had come to an abrupt end. Since October, she had been dating One Direction’s Harry Styles, a kid four years younger but probably just as mature as she is. Now, don’t get me wrong – I have nothing against Taylor Swift. She is young, successful, has good music, and is a good role model…or at least, she used to be. It seems like within the past year or two, she has transformed her image from a loveable-yet-untouchable girl next door to that clingy celebrity girl who likes to date other celebrities then write songs about their breakups.

In honor of this auspicious occasion, I thought I would revisit some of the most adorable – and awful – moments of her many relationships over the years.

Joe Jonas, 2008

The Adorable: As two 19-year old singer-songwriters, the pair admitted to spending lots of time together, but shyly denied they were in a relationship. But it was clear that they were.

The Awful: Joe eventually left her for Camille Bell. In response, Taylor Swift wrote what would be the first of many songs about her breakups, and also shot a sorta creepy music video.

Lucas Till, 2009

The Adorable: T-Swift met Lucas when they worked together to film the music video for “You Belong With Me”.

The Awful: Till basically spilled the beans about their relationship, and then effectively friend-zoned her.

Taylor Lautner, 2009

The Adorable: Besides the fact that they made out during the movie Valentine’s Day, Swift and the Twilight werewolf-boy were seen spending lots and lots of time together, although they initially denied having a relationship.

The Awful: A lot. T-Swift finally admitted to the relationship by saying her crush was “Taylor…it will always be Taylor.” She then wrote the song “Back to December” which was essentially an apology to Lautner for the breakup. But worst of all, since she was 20 and he was 17 at the time, the relationship could possibly have been illegal in several states.

John Mayer, 2010

The Adorable: Actually, I can’t think of anything. This one was pretty bad.

The Awful: Well for starters, Mayer was 11 years older than her, and a notorious playboy before the fact. And of course, Taylor famously wrote the song “Dear John” about their breakup but then denied it had any connection. Mayer was subsequently humiliated when he first heard the song. I don’t know who was in the wrong here, but from a guy’s perspective, I feel bad for Mayer – what can you do when an international teen pop star writes a song about how awful you were?

Cory Monteith, 2010

The Adorable: A guy from glee was actually taken seriously by a girl.

The Awful: This was actually one of the more tame of Taylor’s relationships, despite the fact that she continued her trend of dating older guys. This one also probably didn’t develop because she probably got friend-zoned.

Jake Gyllenhaal, 2011

The Adorable: Confident that she had found the 30-year old of her dreams, Taylor finally flaunted one of her relationships. It seemed like this could be the one.

The Awful: It wasn’t. Not only did they break up, but it is speculated that most of the songs on Swift’s album “Red” were written about the relationship. Either way, the single “All Too Well” most definitely was.

Zac Efron, 2011

The Adorable: Finally, T-Swift returns to some semblance of normalcy with a two-year age gap. They met while promoting their film The Lorax, but denied having a relationship.

The Awful: Well, it may be more funny than awful, but Taylor hilariously admitted that there wasn’t anything about Efron on her new album. Why? “Because they didn’t date.” Yikes.

Eddie Redmayne, 2011

The Adorable: After deciding to give older men another try, she met the British actor while auditioning for Les Miserables in New York City. According to familiar sources, she developed feelings fast.

The Awful: She was so in love with the idea of having a British boyfriend; he was not in love with the idea of a long distance relationship. Also, he got a part in the movie – she didn’t.

Connor Kennedy2012

The Adorable: Taylor’s love of politics and boys mixed beautifully when she began dating Connor Kennedy last summer. She reportedly adored his grandmother Ethel and spent a lot of time at the famous Kennedy family retreat in Hyannis Port.

The Awful: She spent a lot of time in Hyannis Port because she reportedly bought a house right next door. They also ended up cutting things off at the end of the summer because she was going back on tour, and he was going back to school…high school.

Harry Styles, 2012

The Adorable: Fuck it. This is the most exhausting post I have ever written.

The Awful: They started dating almost immediately after her breakup with Connor Kennedy, and she was apparently in LOVE with him as well. Of course, they broke up about two months later. I can’t wait to hear her sing about this one.

Remind me to never, ever, ever do a post about celebrity relationships again.

4 thoughts on “The Nine Love Lives of Taylor Swift

  1. This was a very interesting post 🙂 I liked the end where you wrote “Remind me to never, ever, ever do a post about celebrity relationships again.” Nice pun, I totally understood haha! 🙂 Thanks for another awesome post!

  2. hahaha thanks for this! it’s all so clear now 😛

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