It cannot be overstated how much we at Abraham Thinkin’ love Christmas. Truly, any superlative to describe a person’s enthusiasm is applicable to our Christmas Spirit, and it probably still falls short of effectively capturing the level of our Holiday Cheer. As we all know by now, the best way to spread Christmas Cheer is to sing loud for all to hear. Fortunately for you all, we cannot sing Christmas Carols to you through the computer, so instead, we are going to do what we think is the next best thing. Every day between now and Christmas Day, we will post something related to Christmas, including Christmas Traditions, Stories of Christmas Lore; some of Abe’s Christmas Faves, and much much more.
We LOVE Christmas music. It is the happiest music there is, and everyone can find Christmas music that suits their tastes thanks to the amazing abundance of cover versions of these Holiday Standards. This begets gobs of wonderful Christmas songs, and also some of the worst songs you will ever hear in your life. Given that we are basically Christmas elves here, and the fact that this post would take a week to read if we were to chronicle the best Christmas songs (not to mention the crying and gnashing of teeth over whittling down the list), we have decided to make a list of the worst Christmas songs ever for the Eighth Day of Christmas. If we happen to have listed one of your favorites, please accept our deepest apologies and answer us this one question below… Really???
1. Elmo & Patsy – Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
I don’t think this needs much of an explanation…
2. Lou Monte – Dominick and the Donkey
Ah yes. The Italian Christmas Donkey. If you can listen to this song the entire way through, hats off to you. This is maybe the most annoying song I have ever heard in my life. Whoever had the bright idea of putting a baying donkey at the start of the song should be given a fate similar to some other Italians we have written about. However, I guess we should give him a little credit since the song has gained quite a bit of notoriety
3. New Song – Christmas Shoes
When did the Hallmark Channel start commissioning Christmas songs? This song is TERRIBLE!! The worst part is, and I don’t know if this is the worst part just because I am a terrible person, people actually love this song. I have heard people call in to the radio saying the song brought tears to their eyes… How?????? If you haven’t heard it, no joke, one of the verses basically says lets give you some new shoes just in case Mommy meets Jesus tonight. I would have rather listened to Bob Dylan ruin a Christmas song. Speaking of…
4. Bob Dylan – His Entire Christmas Album
So, pretty much any song you choose from his album is a doosy, but this one in particular was epicly bad. I definitely understand why he did the Christmas album – I hear there are tons of die hard Dylan fans. But personally, there are two reasons I can never listen to any Dylan-Carols. First, I don’t enjoy songs sung by someone who’s “voice” sounds like someone is gargling a sack of gravel while trying to sing. Maybe I’m being nitpicky, but its just not for me. Second, and much more disturbing, he sounds just like my great grandmother. It is truly frightening.
Christmas Bonus: Wyclef Jean – Little Drummer Boy/Hot! Hot! Hot!
I actually love this song. It is terrible, but it brings unmatched joy to my face every time I hear it. You gotta give it up to ‘Clef for trying to merge his Caribbean heritage with this Christmas classic though. He performed the song live during a Christmas at the White House concert at the end of the Clinton administration. I think it is safe to say that Bill approved of “Hot! Hot! Hot!” Apparently, Wyclef showed up 15 minutes before he went on stage and no one even knew he was going to be performing that night. Classic.