12 Days of Christmas: How to Scare Your Kid into Being Good All Year

It cannot be overstated how much we at Abraham Thinkin’ love Christmas. Truly, any superlative to describe a person’s enthusiasm is applicable to our Christmas Spirit, and it probably still falls short of effectively capturing the level of our Holiday Cheer. As we all know by now, the best way to spread Christmas Cheer is to sing loud for all to hear. Fortunately for you all, we cannot sing Christmas Carols to you through the computer, so instead, we are going to do what we think is the next best thing. Every day between now and Christmas Day, we will post something related to Christmas, including Christmas Traditions, Stories of Christmas Lore; some of Abe’s Christmas Faves, and much much more.

Any parent will attest that Christmas is one of the best motivating factors on God’s green earth to inspire their children’s good behavior.  Every kid has an eye towards Christmas all year, and they generally won’t do anything to jeopardize being in Santa’s good graces come that glorious morning.  In full realization of this indisputable fact, parents often resort to *light* threats that their child “better be good, or else Santa might not be good to you this year!”  The following details three common ways to motivate your child to be good so you and Santa can continue to shower them with all the gifts they deserve and more.  We hope you enjoy our offering on the Seventh Day of Christmas.

Elf on the Shelf

For the parents out there looking for a relatively positive way to get their kids to act right: listen in.  This is a recent development in the attempt to promote good behavior, and way more fun than the following options.  For those of you who don’t know, the Elf on the Shelf craze began with a children’s book of the same name.  There was literally an elf on one of the shelves in the family’s home, and he would report back to Santa with his observations of the child’s behavior.  That way, Santa was apprised of every noteworthy action the kid had taken around the house.  The book was a success and has led to the new cultural phenomenon of placing toy stuffed elves on shelves and mantles throughout people’s homes to keep a watchful eye on the little chilluns of the house.  Parents are quick to remind their kids that the elf sees all, hears all, and knows all, and it has a duty to report back to Santa, so they better not do anything they wouldn’t want Santa to hear about!!  It has proven to be amazingly effective, and has even made an appearance is The League, a tv show on FX.

A Lump of Coal

If you are over the age of 20 and were never threatened with a lump of coal in your stocking, please say something.  I truly want to know about your childhood, because it was either magical or you grew up in the Yukon territory and relied on seal blubber to heat your igloo and didn’t discover the internet until your first trip to Anchorage when you were 18… by dog sled.  This would be the worst – it would get everything chalky and dirty, you can’t do anything with a single lump of coal, and if you are young enough that you still put everything in your mouth, it could spell disaster.  Also, for some reason, having your only gift be a lump of coal sounds exponentially worse than getting nothing.  Is that just me?  I wish I could tell you the origins of this tradition so we could all remember (read: despise) the sick person that started doing this to kids.  Alas, no one knows where the tradition came from, so it has been tacked on to the lore of St. Nicholas.


For all you sadists out there, or people with a rotten kid/sense of humor, Krampus may be the greatest thing to ever happen to your Christmas canon.  Krampus is, simply put, one of the most frightening things I have ever seen.  Originating in the Austrian Christmas Canon, Krampus is Santa’s Helper, much like the Dutch tradition of Black Peter, just less racist and WAY more evil.  While Santa’s job is to reward the good children of this beautiful mountainous region of Europe, Krampus’ job is to punish the kids who have been bad.

How does he punish them you ask?  Why, does he take their gifts away, or give them the Austrian equivalent to coal?  Noooooooo, coal is for amateurs! Krampus punishes kids by kidnapping them, throwing them in a sack, and taking them to his lair where he does God-knows what to them.  Another common form of Krampus punishment is to be beaten on the rumpus with birch rods.  Basically, if you have done anything remotely bad in Austria, you go are going to bed absolutely shaking in fear that you will be receiving a visit from Krampus on Christmas Eve.

All of this is bad enough, but just wait until you SCROLL DOWN and see what Krampus looks like……….

If you need to change your pants after that… lets just say you aren’t the only one.  Krampus is truly frightening.  However, Krampus has become quite the celebrity among many European nations, and it is common to celebrate Krampusnacht (Krampus Night) the evening before Santa comes on Dec. 5 by getting wildly inebriated and partying in the street while young men dress up as Krampus and try to scare unsuspecting bystanders.  So yeah…….. God Bless America.

Day 1 – Stocking Stuffer Treats

Day 2 – The Re-Gifting Guide

Day 3 – The Santa-Burglar Paradox

Day 4 – O Christmas Tree

Day 5 – The Christmas Pickle

Day 6 – Look Mommy, A White Elephant!

Day 8 – Abe’s *Least* Faves: The Worst Christmas Songs


6 thoughts on “12 Days of Christmas: How to Scare Your Kid into Being Good All Year

  1. Pingback: 12 Days of Christmas – Abe’s *Least* Faves: The Worst Christmas Songs | *Abraham Thinkin'*

  2. Pingback: 12 Days of Christmas: The Christmas Pickle | *Abraham Thinkin'*

  3. Pingback: 12 Days of Christmas: The Santa-Burglar Paradox | *Abraham Thinkin'*

  4. Pingback: 12 Days of Christmas: Classic Stocking Stuffer Treats!! | *Abraham Thinkin'*

  5. Pingback: Last-minute Christmas Gift Ideas for Bad Little Boys and Girls « HoaiPhai

  6. Pingback: lyrics: “so (so what? so open wide!)” « power of language blog: partnering with reality by JR Fibonacci

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